What Is Love

WHAT IS LOVE

1. Love is being considerate of someone else's needs and feelings.
2. Love is helping others in their time of need.
3. Love is being good to others, being attentive to their needs and providing for them when necessary.
4. Love is giving someone the space they need.
5. Love is respecting another person for who they are. And giving them the freedom to make their own choices and decisions they need to make in life.
6. Love involves action - for actions speaks louder than words.
7. Love is encouraging others rather than discouraging others in their dreams and goals in life, no matter how big or small they might be.
8. Love is giving of oneself without other distraction if possible.
9. Love is building another person's self-esteem and giving them happiness and joy in life.
10. Love is having a listening ear while avoiding voicing one's own opinion (when the other person needs it).
11. Love is helping others to succeed in life, whether it be our spouse, our children or someone else.
12. Love is making others feel good.
13. Love is talking only good about others including oneself.

2. A TRUE STORY

1. Story # 1

A psychologist was sitting with a lady client who was extremely unhappy with a man she was forced to marry by her father. This is how their session went.

Client: "I just don't love him," she explained.

Psychologist "How do you know what love is if you were never married to someone you loved?"

Client: "I know what love is because I had a friend in school that I loved."

Psychologist: "Then you must be a lesbian."

We find many people, including "professionals" getting confused between the love of friendship and the true "love" of marriage.

1. Breaking Down The Scenario With The Psychologist And The Lady

"I don't love him" (client)

When the client said "I don't love him," this could mean:

• I don't have feelings for him.
• We don't have the same goals in life.
• There is something intrinsic about him that means I cannot co-exist with him.
• There is no give and take in the relationship.
• He is controlling.
• We have nothing in common.

"How do you know what love is if you were never married to someone you loved?" (Psychologist)

This question suggests that the psychologist has a skewed idea of love as being restricted to marriage.

A person does not need to be married or have been married before in order to know what love is. Any relationship which involves give and take and a good feeling towards each other is a loving relationship. This is regardless of whether it is a friendship or a marriage.

"I know what love is because I had a friend in school that I loved" (client)

It is so beautiful if a girl can say she has a friend who is a girl who she loves and feel nothing more than a true friendship. (This also goes for a boy that has a friend who is a boy).

"Then you must be a lesbian" (Psychologist)

To make this assumption would mean that no one would be able to have any friends from their own kind without being presumed to be gay/lesbian.

3. LOVE IS HELPING CHILDREN IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

Remember that each child was given a precious neshama/soul from Hashem (G-d of the Universe). These Neshamas/souls are equivalent to millions of sparkling gems. And it is our duty and gift from the One and Only G-d of the Universe to polish these precious gems by guiding and teaching them in the right path.     

1. Story # 2

A client spoke to me about the difficulties she was having with her son. I suggested to her ways to build up the child. I also suggested to her to avoid using the words "I love you." At first she was shocked. However she was pleasantly surprised when she saw him become a happier child.

1. Complimenting Children  

A child who feels he does not deserve to be loved or feels that love is missing from his day to day life, cannot usually be convinced through words. The words "I love you" may pain him, anger him and can cause him to hurt and pain others or let out his frustration in other ways. (See below "Showing Love" - 'seeing a child's pain'). Once the child becomes a happier person one can then occasionally use the words "I love you."

The most effective compliments children need are true compliments that are to the point. It is advisable to put the emphasis on the project or object, rather than the child himself.

Use specific compliments such as:

• "Your room looks so nice and clean, I am so proud of you."
• "Wow, you made your bed like a pro."
• "Wow that is amazing," would be used when a child is either towards an end of a project or has completed a project. (This can be a drawing, a school project, a good mark on a test or after doing a good job organizing or cleaning).

Avoid general compliments such as:

• "You are a big boy/girl."
• "You are a good boy/girl."
• "Keep up the good work."
• "I knew you could do it."

Note that although these last two statements may not be as bad as the previous two statements, it may be best to avoid using them if one sees it becoming a problem. For difficult or sensitive children these words can be more hurtful as they can make a child feel that he is being held responsible for something he is not in control of. But when we focuse on the amazing project the child did, it gives the child strength to do more.

1. Showing Love

• Try to always speak to children with warmth and love. When one needs to either punish a child or be firm and assertive, try to show how much you care with the tone of voice that one uses.
• Showing love becomes easier to express when we eliminate the words "I love you" from our everyday life.
• When a child is being punished he should not be told "I am doing 'this' because I love you."
• Changes in a child's behavior will usually come from true love. Therefore showing love is more important and effective than saying the words "I love you."

1. Showing love to children may include:

• Greeting children warmly when they come home or when picking them up from school/programs.
• Helping them calmly with what they need.
• Listening to their stories and responding with interest, even if they are inaccurate or based on imagination ("lies").
• Patiently teach children right from wrong.

• Patiently means not getting angry or abusive, physically or verbally. Though one should be assertive and give consequences when need be.
• A child who is a bully should never be dealt with harshly (meaning in a bully way). This can make matters worse. Bullying a child who is a bully will only teach him how to be more of a bully. These children need to be shown that they are loved (as explained above in section 3-d) and complimented when they do something good (see above on complimenting children).  Always use pleasant words. Never curse, or use any other hurtful words.

Seeing a child's pain and causes a child might be in pain:

• He is hurting other. (A child might hurt others because he is in pain but that in itself pains him. This is pain above pain.
• Others are hurting him.
• Letting children argue.
• Being blamed for things he didn't do.
• Has too much control over others (usually siblings and also parents).
• Siblings bossing each other around.
• Excessive screaming from parents or siblings.
• Seeing or experiencing violence in the home or in school.
• Children should not be allowed to speak bad about each other, (except to a parent or other authority) hurt each other with words or laugh at each other.
• Prevent arguments and fighting from escalating even for a second.
  • Children crave for direction even though at times they try to get away with it. It is extremely important to get involved in children's arguments and fights without taking sides. Teach them that arguing and fighting is a terrible thing to do. (No need to scream). After stopping the argument or fight, talk to each child as an individual rather than as a group. Always get both sides of the story and try to end it with love. Children should never be taught to fight their own battle. This causes unnecessary pain, aggressiveness, low self-esteem and instability. Each child is affected in different ways.
• Eliminate jealousy between children.
  • When giving one child attention always give attention to the other children simultaneously if possible.
  • Never compare children's knowledge, activities and challenges in front of them.
  • To avoid jealousy when children challenge you on who you love best, whose drawing is nicer and who is prettier,  give them the feeling that they are all gorgeous. Everyone's drawing is gorgeous and unique and that you love them all so much and everyone is talented in different ways.

A 2-3 year old scribbled with crayons on a piece of paper. When he was complimented on his drawing by an adult, his older sister made a face and some remark. The adult explained to the sister that all pictures are unique and beautiful at each appropriate age or stage in life.

• Be sensitive to a child's fears.

• A child's fears should not be seen as silly, foolish or dismissed as nonsense. Rather one should accept them and respect them. If possible, try to understand where the fear might be coming from and deal with it appropriately.
• Some causes of fears might be:
  • Seeing or hearing violence, watching scary videos/television programs and hearing the radio.
  • Child being (playfully or not playfully) scared by other children or adults.

4. SOME MORE TRUE STORIES

1. Story # 3

I had some children in my care for about a week. While I was sitting with the eight year old she confided in me that her father told her he had to go on vacation because he loves her. She asked me to explain to her what that means. Then she asked me if I love her. I then asked her if she felt that I love her. I explained to her that love is not just words, love is an emotional, good feeling that we experience when someone treats us properly and with respect.

1. Story # 4

I read a story that a man wrote about his father, that he never used the words "I love you." This man goes on to say, "Although my father never said the words I love you, I always knew that he loved me."

1. Story # 5

Another story I read  is of a rich man who gave a lot of tzedaka (charity). After he left this world he came to a righteous man from his community in a dream. The deceased man told this righteous man that all the charity he gave to so many poor people with all his heart meant nothing in the upper world because he did not provide properly to his wife.

5. TRUE LOVE vs CONTROLLING LOVE

True love in a marriage involves respecting, caring and doing what is best for the other. Therefore are we really caring about the other person or are we controlling the other person and masking this under "love?"

A client repeated to me an incident she had with her husband. Due to an argument with her husband she could not bring herself to travel back home with him for a six hour trip from vacation. She told her husband "You go home by yourself, I am going home by bus with our daughter." I was very impressed with the husband's answer. He already calmed down from the argument from the night before and responded: "Here is money for you to go home by bus." But with true love in his heart he continued: "But I would like you to travel back with me."

This is an example of a husband who is showing true love to his wife. He respects her and her wishes and decisions, regardless of what he wants.

In contrast, the next two following stories demonstrates a situation when love is used to control.

A lady confided in me about the physical abuse she experienced by her boyfriend. He told her he will hurt her if she will not do what he wanted her to do. In the same breath she told me how much he loves her. I asked her why she thinks that he loves her. She answered that he tells her all the time that he loves her.

With pain, a friend consults me. Her husband tells her when to go to sleep, when to go for a walk and when to take a nap. When she asks him to please stop telling her what to do, he says he loves her and he knows what is good for her and she must listen to him.

Although this lady explains that she tries very hard not to complain and accept her situation, inside she is extremely unhappy. The lady consoles herself by saying that she knows her husband and that he has such a good heart. He is only telling her what to do for her good and because he loves and cares about her. She continues by saying that she wants to please him. she wants to be happy and accept that this is the will of Hashem (G-d of the Universe). After a few minutes of talking to her, she admitted that she is scared of him.

6. RESPECTING YOUR WIFE AND HER ROLE IN LIFE

It is extremely common for men to question their wives on what they do all day. "Why are they in the kitchen all day?" Or, "What takes so long to cook and do dishes?" And, "All day she is doing dishes."

There are many tools that a housewife needs that enable her to be a better housewife, a better mother and a better worker all around. These tools would make her life easier and enable her to work more efficiently. If a man does not have the right tools for a particular task, he might feel lost and a need to provide himself with the right tool to complete his task. But then again, there are many men who either comment, question or deny their wives from what they consider a necessity for their workplace.

It is important for a man to respect and be accommodating to his wife just as it is important for a wife to respect and be accommodating to her husband.

In general, a woman would not come into the domain of her husband's workplace and tell him what to do, how to do it, how long it should take him to do each task and what tools or supplies he needs and does not need. So too a husband must give his wife the space she needs and leave her to make the decisions she needs to make in her domain.

If women would turn the tables around and question their husbands on everything they do, this is how it would sound:

• "What do you do all day at work?"
• "Why does it take you hours every day to do whatever you do at work?"
• "Why do you need to sit hours in front of a computer?"
• "Why can you not accomplish your computer work in one hour? What takes you so long?"
• "Why do you need to print out so much paper; it's such a waste."
• "You need to buy ink again? You just bought some."
• "Why do you need a computer altogether? Years ago, no one even had computers. There was no such a thing as computers and everyone managed well."

A husband asked his wife, "If you are home all day, why don't you ever finish cleaning the house? Her response was,

"If you work all day, why are we not rich by now?"

Once while shopping, I overheard a couple's conversation. The wife said to her husband, "We need a sponge for dishes." He told her, "No, we don't need a sponge; we can manage without it." Who is a husband to tell his wife what tools she needs in her domain?

A client's husband would do all the shopping. Before his next shopping trip, the wife told her husband that a bulb had burned out in the children's bedroom; she asked him to buy a new bulb. He responded, "Right now I don't have the money for it. "What he was really telling her is, that it's not urgent or a real necessity.

Can a man do his job without the proper lighting or work on his computer that has no light or a very dim light?

There are some men that want good food but are not ready to provide their wives with the necessities that enables the wives to make good food. Here are some examples:

A man complained that his wife did not want to cook and that she always wanted to eat out. The wife's reason was that she was only able to cook on the stove top because her oven was broken. Her well-to-do husband did not want to replace the old broken oven. But he did have thousands of dollars to build a beautiful, huge bird room, renovate a magnificent bathroom (that now included a skylight), and replace a dining room table that was in good condition with a new expensive table.

Another man continuously complained to his wife about her cooking. This woman had one or two very old pots, only one of the four flames on her stove top worked and her kitchen was very small and unpleasant to work in. Though the wife had reason to also complain, she fully accepted the situation because she knew her husband did not have the financial resources to provide her with more.

Every surgeon... Every hospital... Every doctor... Every lawyer...  Every builder...Every diamond dealer...  Every hotel...  Every auto shop...  Every huge company...  Every small company... Every printing shop... Every bank... Every restaurant... Every bakey... Every grocery... Every profession - needs their individualized and customized tools to assure and assist them in their work place.

But there seems to be one place that many husbands forget or do not seem to realize that  the workplace of a woman is her home. Being a housewife and a mother is a profession. As with all other professions, the profession of a housewife and a mother needs to be respected. Therefore she needs to be provided with the tools that she needs or chooses to own. Her workplace must be respected and cannot be overpowered by anyone including her husband. (Overpowered, meaning things being done against her wishes. An example of this is hanging up pictures on walls or buying furniture that she dislikes and bringing animals into the home without her complete joyful consent).

Not only does a husband need to be considerate of a wife's wishes and needs, so too children also need to be taught from an early age to be considerate of their mothers wishes and needs even if a mother and father don't always see eye to eye.

Although there are men who do respect and believe in their wives, there are still a lot of other men who absolutely diminish and neglect the pure, holy mission and profession of a housewife and a mother. Many of these men also consider themselves as "the man of the house."

7. DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN TRUE LOVE AND ABUSE

The next section might seem disturbing to some though for others it might give some relief and maybe some hope that someone understands them. It is not applicable to all men or situations. However, it may be relevant to the many women suffering tremendously both physical and emotional abuse by their husbands. (Note that although there are men who could also be suffering some abuse or control from their wives, the percentage is a lot less and usually less extreme).

This is not applicable to women with abusive boyfriends.  They can and should leave their boyfriends immediately if they experience any problems. A boyfriend is not a long life commitment, it is only a potential of a future in marriage. Therefore if one experiences any abuse, control or sees dishonesty or unfaithfulness one should immediately end the "friendship" and move onwards.

Women who fear their husbands' anger may feel they have no choice but to surrender. These women may try to console themselves by convincing themselves how much their husbands really love and care about them. They may also try to 'give in' for the sake of peace.

Though the controlling husband might truly have a good heart and good intentions, abuse and control of his wife is unacceptable. A person needs to separate the good intentions from the bad behavior. A woman must be respected as an adult.

It is important that a man work together with his wife and not control her as if she is his child or his possession. There is a major difference between the role of a husband and a role of a father. Anger, abuse and control are never acceptable. Marriage partners are not punching balls on which to let out anger and frustrations.

The choices and decisions of a woman need to be respected. It is okay to have differences. Each person has their own likes, dislikes and preferences. For instance when a wife likes one kind of broom and the husband likes using a different kind of broom, the couple should compromise by having two kinds of brooms in the house.

Compromise and communication are essential ingredients to any harmonious marriage. An attitude that helps to bring peace, harmony, happiness and joy in a marriage is, "You do what is good for you." An important attitude that a husband should adopt toward his wife is, "if you are happy, than I can be happy."

It is important to be aware that if there is any sort of abuse in a marriage this is not true love. There might be some feeling of love lying beneath the abuse, but abuse is not acceptable. True love and an effective marriage involves respecting and working together cooperatively.

THE MORE KINDNESS AND GOOD WE DO TO OTHERS, THE MORE WE INCREASE OUR LOVE FOR THEM.

8. TIPS ON MANAGING ANGER

It is never acceptable to take our anger out on others. Therefore it is wise to learn how to overcome this anger within oneself in a healthy way. Although it might be difficult to work on every issue in managing ones anger, it might still help some people in certain situations.

When we get angry we tend to blame the other person, when in actual fact the anger we are experiencing is our issue and emotion that we need to learn to control and tame. Anger never comes from the person you get angry at. Therefore never blame your anger on your spouse or children.

At times if someone is aware where his anger is coming from, he can then have a better chance of finding strategies to deal better with the situations. Below are some suggestions and tips.

Not every time a particular person who gets angry is having the same anger issue. People who have anger issues should try to do visualization therapy, see below. Although this article generally is addressing men this is also for women.

1. Surrending Our Pain And Suffering

Putting our problems, pain and suffering into a higher power - that is into the hands of Hashem (G-d of the Universe) can be very healing. At every opportunity that one feels he is losing control or is experiencing any kind of crisis one can say:

• "Hashem (G-d of the Universe) everything is in your hands, everything is in your hands."
• One says this over and over again (practically none stop) above one's thoughts.
• Instead of letting our thoughts and emotions rule us, we can surrender to a higher power that can help us in any way and in every way.

1. Common Triggers Of Anger And Solutions

1. Hunger

For instance a man may come home after a long hard day of work. He is famished and tired. The only thing he feels he needs right now is a nice good hot meal. He comes home and not only is the table not set but dinner is still not ready. His anger starts flaring up and he starts screaming or abusing his wife and/or children.

To avoid such a situation, it is important for a man to realize and accept that after a long day of hard work he will come home famished and that dinner might not be ready. We cannot rely on others when we see it does not go our way. Not because they are not reliable but because these things happen in life for reasons we cannot always understand but still need to accept. At such times we must accept the situation and instead proactively help ourselves.

For instance, one could either take extra food every morning to work or buy some fast food to eat an hour before coming home.

1. Emotional Pain

Emotional pain will usually come from pain we experienced in the past or are experiencing in the present. These emotional pains can intensify when we lack certain vitamins such as kelp, vitamin B12 or folic acid.

Emotional pain can also come from an imbalance in our diet or a blockage in the body that prevents the blood to flow properly. See article, "An Essential Boost of Nutrition" and "Healing With Touch" under "Depression" in this website for further information.

The food we eat may play a big role in how we feel both emotionally and physically. There is no set rules for each person on what they should eat or not eat. Each person's body is different. (G-d willing this topic about finding the right foods for each individual will be discussed in a future article).

The following foods may cause emotional hyperactivity. However, please ensure you do not eliminate any foods from your diet before checking with a professional that deals with food allergies. A few examples that can cause problems in emotional hyperactivity include:

Wheat or other grains, sugar, preservatives, chicken/meat (can be caused by the hormones), teas (herbal or non herbal caffeinated or decaffeinated) and spices.

Note that some people may react to only one or a few of the above foods, while others may be allergic to more foods.

A vitamin deficiency can play a big role in how we feel and therefore it is important to take supplements if needed. Though healthy, whole foods contains the vitamins that we need, those experiencing some form of trauma can become depleted more easily even though they are consuming healthy foods.

To determine the appropriate vitamins to take, check online for amounts of vitamins a person needs and compare this amount to your blood tests. This process will ensure that you are not consuming too much or too little of each vitamin.

One effective way of boosting many nutrients simultaneously is to consume wheatgrass which is rich in vitamins and minerals. Wheatgrass in capsule form is preferable, (two capsules a day should be enough although on the bottle it is written to take 4-6 a day. If one wants, they can take 4 capsules every day for three days and then cut down to two capsules a day. This helps the healing process).

In addition to the multivitamin or (preferably) wheatgrass one might need for example extra B12 as a boost until one feels emotionally balanced.

Children should only be given one capsule of wheatgrass a day. If a child's situation is still unbalanced after three to six days, check his B12, folic acid and protein level for kelp. Then give the child the vitamin or mineral he needs in addition to the wheatgrass. One should also try to give the child healthy foods that have the particular vitamin/mineral that the child is lacking.

Notes

• Supplements should generally not be taken on an empty stomach.
• Those currently on medication must start slowly. If one decreases their medication they can slowly increase the wheatgrass or multi vitamins.
• See the article "An Essential Boost Of Nutrition" and "Healing With Touch," under "Depression" for further information.

1. An unpleasant moment

Separatewhat happens in your life so that you do not take out your difficult, uncomfortable experiences on those physically or emotionally closest to you (including one's spouse and children.

1. An argument with a spouse

• Reflect and sort out in your mind what happened between you and your spouse.
• Work on not interfering in each others role in life.
• A man needs to focus on his role in life and how to accomplish it without hovering over his wife's duty in life.  So too a woman should focus on her role in life without mixing her husband into her domain.
• Let each other speak, experiment and grow in a healthy way.
• Do not be quick in using the word "no" and listen without contradicting.
• Constantly open each other to opportunities and spiritual growth through encoragement rather than by force.
• Always hear each other out before blaming one another.
• Try to understand and respect each others differences and needs.
• See the visualization therapy set out below.

1. A hard day at work

Whatever happens at work, leave at work. Do not bring home your baggages. However, you can share your experiences with your spouse if you feel this would help you offload in a healthy way and connect or bond - as long as it is not lashon hara (evil gossiping about another person).

1. An argument, other than with a spouse

Separate what happens in your life so that you do not take out your difficult, uncomfortable experiences on those physically or emotionally closest to you (including one's spouse and children.

At times two people have constant conflicts between each other. When this happens it is worthwhile to keep a distance from each other without having ill feelings towards one another.

1. Pain - physical

For instance, when one steps on a piece of glass or toy. One who is easily prone to anger should try to set a rule for themselves not to walk around without slippers/shoes. One needs to take precautions and not rely on others to ensure that their path will be clear. Remember that toys being left scattered on the floor does not mean one's wife or children are unreliable or do not care. And broken glass can still appear weeks or month after it was dropped, although the floor might have been swept day after day.

            Banging an elbow/foot

Banging one's elbow or toes can be extremely painful. Some feel their blood actually boiling inside of them. To avoid becoming angry with others around when this occurs, one may:    

• Alert others in advance not to say a word when they see you hurt yourself.
• Let family members know in advance if and what they can do for you so that they do not feel they are ignoring you in your time of pain.

Therapy for this situation

• Cover your eyes and your forehead.
• Place your right hand on your right eye/forehead
• Your left hand on your left eye/forehead.
• Cover these areas gently until one feels internally calm.
• It is best not to speak until one calms down and feels better.

Remember: Others do not need to suffer because you are suffering!

1. Other Common Triggers Of Anger

• Food allergies (G-d willing this will be discussed in another article).
• Hatred
• A prior argument that has not yet been resolved or completely forgiven is often a trigger for more hostility which then causes hatred.
• Hyperactivity and nervousness.
• Can be caused by food allergies
• See "Healing With Touch" depression #1 and general healing #1&2 In addition to eliminating allergic foods
• When things do not go our way.
• Losing control.
• Control issue.
• Note: Wanting control and losing control are two different
  • Losing control is when someone's emotions takes over and they do not think or act logically in the heat of the moment. For instance, a mother might lose control over a child and start to scream or hit him.
  • Wanting control over others is when one thinks they have the right to control or make choices for other people and govern their lives.

1. Awareness

It is important for men to be aware that when men come together and talk to each other about problems they are having with their wives many times they give each other advice that will destroy the marriage. This is absolutely terrible, abusive and destructive. One piece of bad advice commonly given by men to each other is: "You got to be a man and show her that you are the boss and the man of the house."

This advice stirs up a man and makes him feel that he has to use anger in order to "manipulate and prove that he is the boss." Many men create the anger within themselves by believing that they are the man of the house and they must show it and prove it to their wives. A good strategy to counteract this erroneous and dangerous thinking is to believe that if you are really the man of the house, then your wife is the woman of the house. In order for peace and harmony to reign in ones house husband and wife need to work together. A man is not simply there to teach or discipline his wife. She does not need and must not bow down to all his requests. She definitely should be there for her husband but there are limits and boundaries that must not be crossed. So too a man must be loving, kind, supportive and giving, first to his wife and only then to others.

A true "man of the house" means someone who:

• Respects his wife as being the woman of the house.
• Controls himself but avoids taking control over his wife and children.
• Brings in the money, pays the bills and sees that his wife and children are happy and have what they need.
• Respects how his wife runs things around their house. The woman's main workplace is her home and she should be the one in control and respected in this domain. If he has any complaints he could ask her if he can give her a hand and what particular job he should do. Alternatively, he may notice what needs to be done and do it helpfully without asking. However, he must make sure he is truly trying to help and his help is not a mask for him seeking to control or do a better job.

The following are two true stories contrasting an angry and controlling man of the house with a true man of the house:

1. A loving, good husband who really treats his wife and children with love, comes home after a long day and sees the everyday normal chaos. The children are still awake, dishes in the sink and on the table from dinner, piles of laundry need to be washed and other laundry needs to be folded. With love, he greets his wife and children with a smile. immediately he sees he has work to do and with a smile and with love, he lends a hand.

2. An angry "man of the house" used to refuse to give his wife money for groceries complaining that his wife was buying too much and it was taking her too long to cook for three meals when it would take him only an hour or two to cook for those three meals.

Three of their married daughters who all had just given birth within the last two months came over for a weekend with their husbands. The "man of the house" decided to show his wife that $50 of groceries would be enough to feed four couples, including their other teenage children for the whole weekend. In addition to this, he would show his wife that all the cooking could be done within two hours.

Well, after proving all this to his wife, it was time for everyone to sit together and eat. As the man of the house was feeling so proud of himself, all the three daughters who had recently given birth, vomited up all what they ate. They then let their mother know that, if their father ever cooks the meals, they will not be coming for weekends again.

1. Visualization Therapy For Anger

Note: Before starting any visualization therapy, one should read through the whole introductory section of the article, "Healing With Touch" until the section titled "Symptoms listed in alphabetical order." Those new to this touch healing therapy must first start with the "Three Introductory Days", mentioned in "Healing With Touch."

• Sit or lie comfortably in a quiet place.
• Visualize a most recent episode of anger you recently displayed. Perhaps start with the latest experience you had with a spouse or family member.
• Mentally concentrate on your body while visualizing your anger and everything you said or did. Include any pain you might have experienced.
• Note that one might feel blockages or tension releasing from the body at the time one is doing this therapy.
• Ideally, the therapy session should last for an hour. However, any amount of practice is beneficial and so it can still be done for as little or as long as one wishes or is able. Do not worry or give up if you fall asleep. Just keep on trying.
• Never practice this visualization or any other touch healing while one is driving.
• This therapy can be done as often as possible and as much as possible. The more the better!
• This visualization therapy can be done when one is going to sleep and also in the middle of the night when one is trying to fall back to sleep.

9. LOVING HASHEM (G-D OF THE UNIVERSE)

• Loving Hashem (G-d of the Universe) is to learn and understand His laws and what He wants from us. To accept the laws and keep the laws to the best of our ability.
  • For a Jewish person it is learning and keeping the Torah.
  • For all the other Nations it is learning and keeping 'The Seven Laws of Noah'. (This can be found on the web).
• Loving Hashem (G-d of the Universe) is making His world a better place by being kind and giving to others in their time of need.
• Loving Hashem (G-d of the Universe) is teaching our children right from wrong in the most loving and caring way possible without abuse, violence, cursing, embarrassing and name calling.
• Loving Hashem (G-d of the Universe), is giving of ourselves to others according to one's means, to people in need.
• Loving Hashem (G-d of the Universe), is to stay as far as possible from seeing violence.
• Loving Hashem (G-d of the Universe) is striving for the truth. One can do this by;
  • Engaging in goodness and love for others.
  • Reading books on self - improvement.
  • Using clean language at all times (without cursing).
  • Reading only true books and stories that have clean language.
  • Speaking about and listening to only good about others.
  • Not believing evil gossip about others unless it can be harmful to others and one would need to take action.

TABLE OF CONTENT 

1. WHAT IS LOVE
2. A TRUE STORY
   1. Story #1
   2. Breaking Down The Scenario With The Psychologist And The Lady
3. LOVE IS HELPING CHILDREN IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
   1. Story #2
   2. Complimenting Children
   3. Showing Love
4. SOME MORE TRUE STORIES
   1. Story #3
   2. Story #4
   3. Story #5
5. TRUE LOVE vs CONTROLLING LOVE
6. RESPECTING YOUR WIFE AND HER ROLE IN LIFE
7. DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN TRUE LOVE AND ABUSE
8. TIPS ON MANAGING ANGER
   1. Surrending Our Pain And Suffering
   2. Common Triggers Of Anger And Solutions
      1. Hunger
      2. Emotional pain
      3. An unpleasant moment
      4. An argument with a spouse
      5. A hard day at work
      6. An argument other than with a spouse
      7. Pain - Physical
   3. Other Common Triggers Of Anger
   4. Awareness
   5. Visual Therapy For Anger

LOVING HASHEM (G-D OF THE UNIVERSE)