UNDERSTANDING OUR SUFFERING

UNDERSTANDING OUR SUFFERING

January 31-22

Revised May 4- 22

Q; You sent me some shiurim that advised me to say over my pain and thoughts, “Hashem, everything is in Your hands, I don't need to worry.” really can not bring myself to say this. I am not a tzaddik and I am angry at Hashem for making me suffer.

A; Answer to I am angry at Hashem for making me suffer

Life can be painful and difficult. It is a lifetime of challenges and work. But people who overcome their pain and suffering can reach very high levels. By not consuming the amino acids, eating the right foods, and taking the vitamins our body needs, our journey and challenges in life can feel disastrous. See the article “A Boost Of Nutrition.”

When we suffer, we automatically think that Hashem is the one who makes us suffer but this is not really true. One of the many reasons we suffer is because we do not turn to HKB"H. When we suffer, we run to a doctor, without involving Hashem in our lives.

By saying “HKB"H, everything is in Your hands,” we are acknowledging that Hashem has the power to do everything and can provide us with everything we need. He is powerful and is not limited. It is we who are limited in seeing His power, understanding His existence, His greatness and what He wants from us. At times we will all need to use medical advice or alternative medicine, either way, we should not believe in them alone. We should be aware that Hashem can send us a ye'shua if we are opened to receive it in other ways. (Caution should be taken when using conventional medicine and alternative medicine at the same time).

Below are responses people have received by connecting to HKB”H by repeating over their thoughts and difficulties “HKB”H, Everything Is In Your Hands, I Don't Need To Worry.”

• Hashem is trying to strengthen them so that they fear only Him and no one else. They need to tell their abuser that they fear Hashem and not him and that they will not allow their abuser to come between them and Hashem.

• They allow foreign books into their home and their children read them. This can include non-kosher music, movies and the like.

• They constantly blame their children and yell at them, especially for no reason and on stupidity. Sometimes it can be on one particular child.

• One woman was very sad about her son who was suffering a lot. After saying one of the phrases, she learned that one of the reasons her son suffers so much is because he curses.

Who Do You Admire

We will not always get clear answers. But we must continue to be strong and persevere. One can choose a hero and follow in his footsteps:

• Dovid Hamelech suffered a lot throughout his life. He did not blame others or Hashem for his pain and suffering, but he persevered time and time again. It is obvious that he was adamant on reaching the top. He turned to Hashem with all his problems. Regardless of what happened, he constantly praised Hashem.

• Avrohom Avinu was thrown into a burning furnace for standing up for Hashem's glory. Did he stop there? Obviously not, because he became Avrohom Avinu and also the father of other nations.

• Yaakov Avinu had to run away from home, to escape Eisav's wrath. He eventually ended up in Lavan's surroundings and was constantly being deceived. He left Lavan's House only to find out that Eisav and four hundred of his men were coming toward him. Yaakov Avinu panicked, as any of us would, he had his wife, children and animals to worry about. What a scare. Of course he had Hashem with him but so do we. We need to look up to Hashem just as Yaakov Avinu did. One of Yaakov Avinu's first thoughts was that he had to figure out what teshuva he needed to do or what Hashem was requesting of him. He panicked just as we do. The only difference is, that he went into teshuva mode, while we go into blame and hate mode.

• The Baal Shem Tov and the Alte Rebbe were orphaned from both parents by the age of ten. They simply chose to connect with Hashem's Torah rather than go into anger and blaming mode.

Each of these heroes took the opportunity to embrace their pain, suffering, and hardship and used it to draw closer to HKB”H. The act of accepting without complaining and drawing closer to HKB”H brings us to greatness.

When we experience painful situations, it is an indication that Hashem is trying to convey something to us. Those who accept their suffering with love and with it understand what Hashem is requesting of them, the stronger they will become.

Different Ways Of Looking At Our Suffering

1. We can blame Hashem for sending us suffering for no reason. (This makes it worse, not better).

2. There are those who thank Hashem for their suffering and take the opportunity to get closer to Hashem

   1. Hitbodedut

      1. Saying the phrases – by saying the phrases we are handing over our suffering to Hashem and at times it can help us receive direction in life. It also helps us to calm down.

   2. Going into teshuva mode – the above is also a form of teshuva.

Why This World Was Created

HKB”H wanted to create a world consisting only of good, but He thought that if He creates a world consisting only of good, people will not be able to appreciate it. Therefore, Hashem needed to see who really wants good, and so HKB”H created this world with a choice to do good or bad. Those who choose to work on themselves to be with Hashem and His Torah will enter the world of good when Moshiach comes or at Te'chi'as Hameisim.

Right now we are at the end of this world of good and bad. Soon, when Hashem will hand over the kingship to Moshiach, the world will change to only good and will not contain a drop of bad. Only good people will be in this world. There will not be a yetzer hara. No one will speak bad about anyone or anything. There will be no jealousy, no gashmius, all the negative character traits that we still have to work on today will be gone. It will be a world of peace, harmony and happiness. A world completely dedicated to Hashem.

Things Important To Keep In Mind

There is no one in this world without sin , therefore it will not determine on our sins if we enter the world to come. It will determine on our desire that we have in our hearts. Do we sin and not care or do we realize and regret it. Absolutely no one knows whether they will make it or not. Some people think that with all their sins they committed in life there is no way that they can be forgiven, these thoughts are far from the truth. If in our hearts, we truly regret our sins and desire for the truth at the end a person can be forgiven.

Those who hate people because they are different than them, for example, they act differently, they dress differently and judge others for their difference have a lot to be concerned about. Those with Sinat Chi'nam have less of a chance of entering the world to come unless they do teshuva.

As mentioned above, to come closer to the truth, it is essential to rid ourselves of the obstacles that prevent us from seeing the truth,. Surrounding ourselves with gates, as is written in Mussar Seforim, prevents us from wanting what we see and what others have. The excessive materialism of this world blinds us from seeing the truth and connecting to Hashem with more ease.

THE FIRST STEPS TO RIGHTEOUSNESS

April 20-22

Revised May 2025

Q; You sent me some shiurim that advised me to say over my pain and thoughts, “Hashem, everything is in Your hands, I don't need to worry.” I really can not bring myself to say this. I am not a tzaddik and I am angry at Hashem for making me suffer like this.

A; Answer to I am not a tzaddik

Every person can achieve at least some degree of righteousness if he works on the goals for which he was created. This includes creating a Torah atmosphere of love, respect and contentment (see article “Sibling Rivalry”). Abstaining from fiction, mystery books, non-kosher music, videos/games and movies can help us climb the ladder to righteousness. Be Kadosh, For I Am Kadosh (Parshas Kedoshim), was meant for all of us including children, not only tzaddikim.

Here is some food for thought:

• What should be my true goals in life?

• What did I come into the world for and why was I created?

• What is the purpose of marriage other than bringing children into the world?

• What is the purpose of bringing children into the world other than for the mitzvah of Peru U'Revu?

• Besides keeping Shabbos and kosher, what is the difference between a Jew and a gentile?

• Can I ever become a tzaddik, and if yes, how?

• Am I fulfilling the goals that Hashem has set before me?

Though we may never reach the level of the great tzaddikim, the Torah teaches us about them so that we can try to emulate their greatness. Every one of us has the potential to reach high. So too, we must bring out the potential in our children by nurturing their self-confidence and thirst for knowledge. Some examples may include:

1. Following the rules explained in the article titled "Sibling Rivalry,"

2. Telling children that they are asking great questions.

3. Find ways to provide them with the right answers.

4. If a child's views are correct, avoid contradicting them. So too, do not convince them that their view is incorrect.

Emulating Hashem's Greatness

Emulating Hashem's greatness is to have love, peace, and harmony, including being giving, understanding, kind and merciful. This, therefore, contradicts our belief that children should learn to fight their own battles. It contradicts Hashem's greatness and causes pain and suffering to the victim and the victimizer. Letting children fight also teaches children to think mainly of themselves, without regard for the feelings of others. Then they grow older, marry, and continue what they have learned, to fight and often do what is best for themselves rather than think, compromise, and do what is best for the other. This too, contradicts the greatness of love, peace, and harmony, including the purpose of life and marriage.

We are in this world to emulate Hashem's greatness. This can be done by putting into practice what we learn and read. Therefore it is important to read only books that teach us about life. For example,

• Torah and the writings of our sages

• Books of tzaddikim

• Books from which we can learn life lessons that can help us live a more productive and meaningful life. For example, Self-help books, inspirational stories, articles, (books by Jewish or non-Jewish authors without immodest pictures).

Ask HKB”H to help you fully understand and comprehend your reading, learning, and the messages you can master.

Reading seforim and the right books can help us to connect with Hashem. So too, reading not kosher books can easily lead us off the right path and contribute to a life of emptiness and suffering.

We are in this world to emulate Hashem's greatness, not to imitate the ways of the goyim or chase after worldly desires.

Imitating The Goyim

Imitating the goyim happens when we or our children;

• Read their novels, mysteries, and fantasies.

• Listen to their music, watch movies and inappropriate videos.

• Use game-boys and the like that have to do with violence, killing, and other such games that cause a lot of tension.

• Adopt their expressions, idioms, dress codes, body movements and attitudes.

Every Jewish home should have a library of only kosher books, music, and if necessary educational videos. Children who live in a loving Torah atmosphere, as explained in Sibling Rivalry, will most often respect their parents' rules. A parent has the right to set the rules and not allow a child to bring foreign - books, music, including foreign toys and games into the house.

Mysteries and fantasies are all based on lies and wonders of nothingness. Therefore, children who read these books lose the true reality of life. This is true whether the authors are Jewish or not. These books prevent and deprive us from seeing the true wonders of creation, the wonders of true life, the wonders of HKB"H and our heroes of real life. Heroes who sacrificed their lives for the truth.

People claim that if they do not let their children do what they want at home, they will seek it outside the home. Therefore, they let their children bring home inappropriate books, music and videos. thus spreading this contagious deadly virus to the other children and many times also to the parents.

Our job is to teach, guide and instill into our children right from wrong in the derech of the Torah. The derech a child chooses when he moves out of his parents home as an adult, will be between the child and Hashem. Without anger, a parent can let a child know that the rules of the house must be followed, and when he has his own home, he can do as he pleases. A Jewish home must be run according to the derech of the Torah and not according to the derech of our children, psychology and society.

Choosing to emulate the gods and leaders of today, who are the psychologists and society, causes our children to be at high risk. One can change who they are by choosing to emulate great leaders of the Torah and focusing on their words of wisdom. The examples below show the differences between the Torah Hakedosha and the gods of this world.

Teachings Of The Torah Hakedosha

• Stay away from machlokes.

• Teach and instill into children the derech of the Torah with love.

It also teaches us in Pirkei Avos:

• Rabbi Dosa ben Harkinas says: late morning sleep and children's chatter remove a person from the world 3:14.

• Rabbi Elazar the Moda'ite says: one who perverts the Torah contrary to halacha has no share in the World To Come 3:15. This also can be referred to sheitels

• Rabbi Akiva said: mockery and levity, malicious jokers, bring a man to immorality (wickedness) 3:17. This includes children too.

• Mine is yours and yours is yours, is a pious person. A character of a pious person is to allow others to derive enjoyment from what he owns and only touch what belongs to others with permission. 5:13

• Yours is mine, and mine is mine, is wicked. A self-centered person is concerned with what he can take from life, but it is beneath his dignity to give to others. (Rashi, Rav) Pirkei Avos chapter 5:13.

Teachings Of Psychology And Society – THE GODS OF TODAY

• Let children do what they want and do not force them to do anything.

• Children need to learn to fight their own battles. This means, do not interfere in their fighting, arguments, bickering, etc.

• Yours is mine and mine is mine. For example, when children take things away from each other do not interfere, more on this subject in the article, “Sibling Rivalry”.

Any Jew can become a tzaddik, it all depends on what direction he takes in life and what he believes in. Any

Jew can reach a high level, this too, depends on the direction he chooses in life. It all depends on what we read, learn and who are our true heroes and leaders.

Emulating Tzaddikim

Whether we reach the level of tzaddikim or not, our goal in life is to emulate their ways. By letting go of the access materialism of this world, we are better able to connect to HKB"H and serve Him in purity. One can train themselves by saying or thinking, I was created and was sent to this world to serve the creator; therefore, though I may not be a tzaddik, I will be strong and do what they do. If they did it, so will I. For example, Would a tzaddik watch movies? No! Then I will not either. Would he listen to music that is not kosher? No! Then I will not either. No matter how many times we fall, we must pick ourselves up without giving up. One can further encourage themselves by saying “I will get up and I will do what tzaddikim do. Not because I am a tzaddik but because I am a Jew, and this is what I need to do in life.” we must say, “I can and I will and no one can stop me.” In order to succeed, our goals need to be set high. When we chase after worldly desires, we deprive and blind ourselves from accomplishing our true mission in life.

Life is working on our middos and love for others, we must be happy for others no matter what we are going through. Having love for others is by actions not feelings. In order to accomplish in the right derech, it is important to read, learn, study diligently and apply our learning to action.

For a person to reach higher in life, they need goals. Whether it be a doctor, a nurse, an engineer, or starting a business, he must work hard to receive a degree. He must learn the material, study and repeatedly review his learning. Then he is tested and is tested again. He has to work very hard to pass all the tests. But he has a goal, and he must persevere. He knows he can not play games, watch movies or listen to music because that would keep him from reaching his goal. He knows that he has to aim high, and there is no time to read books that will not help him reach his goal.

Hashem put us into this world for a purpose. It is our choice whether we want to fulfill our purpose in life or live an empty, unholy life. B"H, most of us do not seem to have much trouble succeeding in our careers, though it may not be easy. That is because we keep goals in mind. We aim high, and we achieve. We read what we need to read and nothing else because otherwise, we would fail. And so it is with Yiddishkeit. If we do not look for the seforim and books that will help us succeed and the obstacles that cause us to fail, then it is true that we will not be able to reach high. We will never be able to be tzaddikim and achieve greatness. To achieve this goal, one must also abstain from the materialism of this world and connect to HKB"H.

Seforim And Books To Learn And Read

• “Chumash,” “Navi,” “Halacha”

• “Love Your Neighbor” is a must, by: Rabbi Pliskin – helps in perfecting our Ahavas Yisroel.

• Mussar seforim such as “Orchos Tzaddikim” – helps in perfecting our middos.

• Breslov seforim is an excellent source in helping us reach higher.

• Self-help books ֍

UNDERSTANDING THE PHRASE

“HASHEM, EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HANDS. I DON'T NEED TO WORRY.”

You sent me some shiurim that advised me to say over my pain and thoughts, “Hashem, everything is in Your hands I don't need to worry.” I really can not bring myself to say this. I am not a tzaddik and I am angry at Hashem for making me suffer like this.

Q&A About “Hashem, Everything Is In Your Hands I Don't Need To Worry.”

Q; What is the meaning of “Hashem, everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry”?

A; It does not matter what happened, what is happening or what is supposed to happen, Hashem, You can change everything.

Q; What makes this phrase so powerful?

A; we are letting go of our thoughts, pain, blaming and giving over all our problems to Hashem.

Q; I say tehillim, daven, learn and do chesed, why is it so important to say, “Hashem, everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry”?

A; saying the above phrase is not instead of saying Tehillim, davening, learning and doing chesed and etc.. Everyone should continue with their daily spiritual life and use the phrase as needed to overcome their thoughts, pain and suffering to the point that one can totally let go, calm down and let Hashem take over. When we say the above phrase it is supposed to help us let go and let Hashem lead our life. It helps us surrender to Hashem. We know that Hashem is in control

Q; When to say “Hashem, everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry?”

A;

• Any time we have negative or unwanted thoughts of the past, present and future.

• When we are longing for something we want and we cannot get it out of our mind.

• When something went missing.

• When suddenly we have a bad feeling, emotional pain or depression.

• When we are worrying about situations of the present, future, health and financial problems.

• When we are anxious about a loved one in any way.

• In times of trauma, including after a lose of a friend or family member.

• When we are not sure what to do in a particular moment.

• When we are having or had a difficult situation with family members, friends or strangers.

FEEDBACK from repeatedly saying, “Hashem, everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry”.

• A 60 -70 year old man experienced relief from anxieties and fear within three weeks of saying, “Hashem everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry”. His anxieties and fear were that people were outside his windows and door talking about him and wanting to do him harm.

• A Mother felt she was ready to pass out from anxiety while walking her son to the chupa. Soon after repeating, “Hashem, everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry” she totally calmed down as if no one was around her.

• Within two weeks of repeating “Hashem, everything is in your hands, I don't need to worry,” A woman was saved from an abusive husband when suddenly he had to skip town. They could not see each other or speak on the phone for fear that the police would catch him.֍