18 04 2025
5 min read
These questions are repeatedly asked by many women and also men. The first comment was addressed by a young woman.
Questions And Comments
- Please explain the role of a woman – I feel like the Torah was created for men and we are like the slaves. We do all the laundry, cleaning, cooking and serving. I feel like a second-class citizen. I feel unappreciated and used. The religion revolves around men, it is for men, and it is completely not for women. It makes me feel used and frustrated and it makes my friends very frustrated. In school they try to persuade us that we are also important. “We are Benos Melech, we are daughters of the King, we will build family’s and we are going to be mothers”. The bottom line is, all the actions of Judaism happens by the boys and men. They have the mitzvah to learn all the interesting things and we need to be subservient to them. We are told that our husbands have to learn and we just have to be in the kitchen and make good food, do the laundry, clean the house and raise the kids.
- Why do so many women feel like nothing, why do they feel so unappreciated? How can I too reach the top? How can I mean something in this world? How can I feel great about myself? How can I feel like I belong in a world so dedicated and geared to men? How can I really and truly reach great heights? How can I get what I need and what I truly want?
Reasons A Woman May Feel Unappreciated And A Second-Class Citizen
- Women have a role in life just like men. when we ease off or neglect in our avodath Hashem we might feel like a second-class citizen and find ourselves desiring to do the mitzvos that the men are obligated to do. For example, a man’s role in life is to learn and delve deeply into the Torah and be the financial provider for his wife and children. Women are also obligated to learn at least the basics of the Torah including Halacha. Besides learning and knowing the basics, they must bring the heilige Torah into the house and provide for their husband and children the daily necessities. Women reach a level of kedusha and fulfillment in life when they oversee the daily running of the house, which includes the following;
- They oversee that their children are making brochos, dressing tznius and their sons are putting on kosher tzitzus every morning and making a brocha on them.
- They oversee that the children are only reading true and kosher books.
- They teach their children to wash negel vasser and say modei ani every morning with them.
- They oversee that their children speak respectfully to each other and interfere in their children’s fights and bickering. See the article on sibling rivalry.
- They see to it that all the children participate with all the chores.
- A woman needs to be a mother to her children and not pass the discipline over to her husband or anyone else.
- Another reason a woman may feel like a slave and second-class citizen
- When a mother tells her children that she will tell their father that they have misbehaved and he will discipline them, she is belittling herself as a second-class citizen in the eyes of her husband and children.
- A woman may also feel unappreciated if she is treated inappropriately by an immediate member of her household, such as when they scream, demand, speak harshly, domineer her, make rude remarks and use sarcasm. When this happens, a woman should be assertive and repeatedly say to her offender “just respect” regardless of their response. It is important for everyone in the household to treat each other respectfully.
Being a mother can be very loving, joyful and rewarding if done right. This happens when the mother herself takes control instead of putting it on her husband. ֎