18 04 2025
8 min read
August 4, 2022 – 7th of Menachem Av, 5782
Le’eluy Nishmas Rivka Bas Yosef And Milka Baila 15th of Tammuz 5779
Based on the first part of Shema, Parshas Kedoshim, and the words of Hillel Hazaken in Meseches Shabbos.
Sometimes, a marriage may not be easy. Some couples, though married and have children, feel a void and suffer from loneliness and emptiness. Whatever the case, it is crucial to overcome our pain and suffering and work on this void and emptiness by fulfilling our role in life. By fulfilling our genuine role in life, we can reach the level of serving Hashem with joy. As mentioned below, we fulfill our role in life by reaching out to others. Though this article is geared more toward married couples, we all can gain from the message it conveys.
(So many suffer from verbal and physical abuse that involves anger, hate, control, jealousy, or just plain evilness. Though this article focuses on reaching out to others, especially a spouse, a victim must restrain from giving to an abusive spouse when he is demanding, controlling, or degrading).
What Is The Secret
The secret is to know the meaning of life, to fulfill it, and teach it to your children, grandchildren, students, and to all children of Hashem, especially those under our care. Being loving, reasonable, and extending oneself to one’s spouse, brings happiness and fulfillment
- It is essential to instill into children that we came into this world to be good and do good to everyone, including animals and creatures.
- Before leaving the house, a father should remind his children to help their mother. On returning home show acknowledgment to the children who helped.
- Teach children to care for Hashem’s creation. For examples;
- Instill into children to keep the environment and our surroundings clean. For example, if an area is full of garbage, teach them to pick up twenty pieces and dispose of them in a garbage bag.
- Instill into children to take extreme caution not to be cruel to animals or creatures, including not to scare them. Teach them to be mindful and thoughtful not to bother their peacefulness and when they are eating.
Teach and instill into your children, “Do Not Do What You Would Not Want Others To Do To You”
- To live in peace, harmony, joy, and love is to be good and reach out by making your spouse happy without selfishness. Never take revenge regardless of how hurt you are.
- We do not need to be friendly or befriend everyone. Still, it is essential not to hurt others, including our spouses and family members. Instead, turn to Hashem with your pain, as mentioned below.
Though it is crucial for spouses to connect to one another, this should not depend on our happiness in life and our connection with HKB”H. Happiness and fulfillment in marriage occur from the devotion we put into our role as a spouse and a parent.
Crucial Tips To Consider
- It is our duty to fulfill our role with love and joy as a spouse, without anger, revenge, and resentment.
- Never blame each other or the children for something that went wrong or that did not go your way. (Bring Hashem in front of you, as mentioned below).
- Greet one’s spouse and children with love, joy, caring, and warmth.
- Use words that express love, joy, and caring by complementing instead of degrading, singing instead of screaming.
- Spouses should be aware, mindful, and available for each other in their time of need. So too, it is essential to be conscious of their spouses’ likes and dislikes.
- Do not cry, threaten, manipulate, or use anger to get your way.
- A marriage should not be weighted by who does more but instead based on our duty and role in life.
- When giving to our spouse, we should extend ourselves with enthusiasm, love, and joy in our hearts.
- Don’t do what you would not want others to do to you (Meseches Shabbos). So too, be good and do good to others includes not taking revenge on one’s spouse.
- Bring love, joy, and caring to your family and others by letting go of the unimportant things in life. When we repeatedly say HKB”H, everything is in your hands; I don’t need to worry, it helps us to let go of the unimportant things in life.
Notes:
- See also the article on “Sibling Rivalry.” The sibling Rivalry article can bring major changes if followed correctly.
- When saying over our thoughts, pain, and suffering, “HKB”H, everything is in your hands, everything is in your hands, I don’t need to worry,” it helps us to calm down. In this way, we can have more inner peace and spread it to others.
Show Caring And Love
Surprise your spouse with small gifts, for example a snack or a dish they like, a clean up job, or anything that will make them happy. Give it with love, a smile and a kind word, for example, “I have something for you” or “I have a surprise for you.” One husband used to clean the pots in the middle of the night while his wife was sleeping. He then put the pot back where he found it with a note inside. The most important gift a spouse can give to the other is words of love, caring, and encouragement. Use words to lift each other rather than words that degrade, hurt and destroy.
The essence of Hashem’s Glory and His wonders of creation is the unconditional love, joy, warmth, and devotion He showers on all of His creation. It is this act of kindness that the Torah teaches us to emulate.
May we all be a shining light by expressing Hashem’s Glory and His wonders of creation. First and foremost to our spouses, children, students, and then to the world around us.
Use words such as “The food was delicious” or “Thanks so much for all your amazing help”